Heard that phrase before? If my memory is correct, the Bible says that if you trust in God, you will gain two things that surpass all understanding: love and peace. And, in my life, all of this is starting to come clear.

For those of you who don't know, there is a person in my life who has it as a goal to make my family's life as miserable as possible. Those of you who know me know that I don't exaggerate. I am serious. He has even stated that this is a goal. Furthermore, with the latest development, he is almost to his goal.

If things go as expected, everything will be shattered: dreams, plans, college, everything. Seriously. I would have to work full time just to pay for "luxuries" such as food.

Naturally, my family is bewildered and angry. This is completely unfair.

Then there's me. I have chosen a different path than anyone else. At least I'm trying to pick that other path (probably will stumble countless times). That path is forgiveness. Yeah. Forgiving the very person ruining my life. Before you think I am crazy, know that there is a difference between forgiving a person and forgiving their actions. I am doing only the former (assuming that I can start to keep the two straight in my mind).

On my own there would be no way whatsoever to accomplish this much forgiveness. That's where the gift of love that surpasses all understanding comes in. I am trying to give all of anger toward that person (not his actions) to God to let him get rid of it for me. Giving it away is still insanely difficult. However, nothing could be harder than living in anger like I have been living.

Still, this wouldn't make me distant from my family alone as I could still share in the anger towards his actions. And, I probably should. However, I am even seeing that in a different light. Not really his actions, but rather the outcomes. I am finally starting to really trust in God, really trust. And, from that, there is a certain peace about me. Peace that makes no sense in my crazy life, no sense at all. Yet it's there. The best way I have to explain it is to just think about a God who made the mountains, the lightning, the oceans, and also beauty, DNA, and flowers. He's even raised people from the dead (including himself). If he's strong (and gentle) enough to do all of that and you trust that he's in control, then peace would seem to follow. Things might not (and probably will not) go the ways I want them to go. However, perhaps that's for the better? Perhaps there is a bigger plan, far beyond my own grasp. I've lived for pleasure. Perhaps it's time to live for purpose.

Now, I know that this blog goes against most of the rules I have for blogging online (after all, I don't know who is/will be reading this). However, my hope is that perhaps my own struggles will help even one person with theirs.

Also, as a final note, I don't mean to be "preachy". It's just that I'm starting to understand what my faith means. I hope this blog doesn't offend anyone.

G'night and God bless (or good luck, if you prefer)